Humor (and wisdom) on a Dish Towel

I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

That bit of humor is on a dish towel that often hangs on a door under our kitchen sink. It is a reminder to me of the danger of carrots and the kindness of doughnuts. And it always makes me smile.

If you ask me (and I wish someone would), the world could use a lot more dish towel humor. Actually it could use more humor almost everywhere, but dish towels are the perfect medium.

“Why?” you may ask. I will be glad to tell you. First, dish towels do not take themselves too seriously. They don’t care if you wipe your grubby hands on them or use them to dry cheap dishes. Second, like a good neighbor — really even better, because you don’t have to go next door to get them — dish towels are always there. In our house some of them sleep in a drawer, and even then it is but the work of a moment to have a clean dish towel in my hand.

Third, dish towels stick to what they have to say. Disagree if you will, argue if you must, but they know they are right and you know they are right. If you think a dish towel is wrong, you don’t buy it. In fact disagreeing with a dish towel, I’m pretty sure, is where we get that saying, “I don’t buy it.”

Fourth, dish towels of all sorts — the kind with whimsical humor and the kind with understated beauty — are there to serve you, and they do their job well. Like a few people I’ve known, some of the fancier ones are better at absorbing admiration than they are at absorbing water. Maybe beauty is why you bought it.

I could go on, but rather than exhaust the list I will allow you to laud them with me in the comments, below, and I will now share more dish towel wisdom.

Family: Funny and true. Or true and funny, your choice.

I’m so tired of babysitting my mother’s grandchildren!

That one kind of sneaks up on you, which is what humor almost always does. It’s the unexpected twist, and that one, spotted (actually it was plain white with black print) in a store in Gilbert, AZ, did that perfectly. I read it several times and liked it every time.

Sticking with the theme, this is another “family” favorite of ours.

I keep hearing it takes a village to raise a child. Do they just show up? Or, is there like a number to call?

Guaranteed if there was a number to call, the hold time would be measured in something more than minutes. That’s just because raising a child is, you know, hard. The dish towel won’t take that away, but its “understanding with a smile” might be all you need to get you through the rest of the day.

Here’s one final bit of insight on the family side that many will understand:

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.

Ah, so you were listening, at least part of the time.

Dish towels seem to be particularly wise about relationships in general, from family to friends, to…

Anyone else getting to the point where it would be OK if Jolene came and took your man?

Men, if that dish towel shows up in your kitchen, you know it is there for more than drying dishes. It’s time to work on that relationship.

Finally, here’s a new twist on a phrase you might know. I like this a lot better than the original meaning:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. I mean people with pools, boats, or vacation homes.

Dish towels on life in general

We came across this one recently. It is another one that needs to be read carefully.

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

I’m pretty sure I know the person who penned that bit of wisdom. Her idea of flexible is the Washington monument in a strong wind. It moves, but no one can see it.

Here’s one with self-deprecating humor, often the best kind:

My housekeeping style is best described as “There appears to have been a struggle.”

Can’t you just see forensic investigators coming into that house and documenting the crime scene? From time to time, that could be said about my office, so I’m keeping it light here.

They say God only gives you what you can handle. Apparently God thinks I’m a badass.

That is a great twist from an unashamed optimist. I might just get one of those and hang it in my office.

Dish towels on food instead of the other way around

Another popular topic of conversation among dish towels is food. They’ve seen it all, often up close and personal, so they know whereof they speak on the topic.

If cauliflower can be pizza, you can be anything.

Remember that one the next time you think you have a job or project that is bigger than you are. Cauliflower rose to the top of the food chain (OK, close to the top), and you can rise up as well.

This last one on food also lives in our house. We read it, we know it is true, and yet we still forget to follow this very important piece of advise.

The most important thing I’ve learned in life, and I can’t stress this enough; you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think.

The final dish from a dish towel

The Bible says, “Seek wisdom.” It gives a couple of ideas about where, but wisdom (often with humor) can be found in many places. Even on a dish towel.

Dance like no one is watching, but text and email like it will be read in court one day.

Here’s one more bit of wisdom I like. I might even put it on a dish towel..

Do good! It’s in you.