Who came up with that?

A few days ago I was chatting with my friend David. We live in different states now, and while we don’t agree on a number of things that are happening in the world, we agree that we are and will be friends. Still, when he began with “I want to tell you something one of the [people who broke into the capitol building on January 6] said,” I could feel a disagreement coming on.

The brackets above, by the way, indicate that he did not use those words. He used a single word, but that is what he meant.

The argument didn’t come. Instead, he told me that this fellow described himself as a “white, heterosexual, insubordinate male.” And what David had to say about that was this: “I came up with that phrase 30 years ago. I called it WHIM, and I used it to describe myself exactly the same way.”

I suppose it was the first time David had experienced any connection with that man, or perhaps even thought of him as someone who might have something to say about his situation. But here they were, using the same phrase to describe themselves. In David’s case, it was because the company he was working for had become an early adapter of what came to be known as DEI — diversity, equity, and inclusion. David, being a WHIM, didn’t particularly like the new policy. He made it clear that he had not opposed their hiring practices, but he also realized those practices would harm people like him (WHIMs).

No, I am not going to launch into a debate here on meritocracy or balancing the scales or the children paying for the sins of the fathers. This is not about that. It’s about the fact that David wished he had trademarked the phrase, and I wish he had, too. He said it way before this guy did, and in an appropriate context. I’m all for him on that one, and unless someone can prove otherwise, I’m giving David credit for it. He is the first WHIMer, at least in my book.

Happy wife…

Happy Life. (You probably knew that.)

While someone might have said that prior to it becoming part of comedian Jeff Allen’s routine, Jeff actually trademarked the phrase. I learned that from the man himself, because I was fortunate enough to book him for an event. He’s a golfer, so I arranged for us to play 18 holes the day before the event. It turns out that Jeff Allen is not only an outstanding comedian, he’s also very good at golf. I know, because I lost a Diet Coke to him.

Back to “happy wife, happy life.” That came out of his marriage spending years on life support. He was the problem, he says, and as he describes it you agree. He had been addicted to cocaine and alcohol, but gave those up early in their marriage. What he didn’t give up was a very large anger problem, condescension, and a foul mouth. The fact that he and Tammy remained married is truly remarkable when you know the whole story — which both of them have told in public.

My point is, Jeff Allen did not have either a happy life or a happy wife. With a lot of hard work, and certainly divine intervention — although that was discovered in hindsight — they made it.

I tried to find the video clip of the routine where he uses the phrase, and I ended up watching about 40 minutes of Jeff Allen stand up, along with an excellent interview he did about his conversion from atheism to Christianity. If you don’t know his work, check out Jeff Allen Comedy. He’s a funny, funny man, and he may well be the person who originated the phrase “happy wife, happy life.” So that’s who came up with that.

Been there…

This one is personal, and it goes back to 1993. I remember it well. I know where I was standing, and I know who I was talking to.

I had been hired as the General Manager of the San Jose Athletic Club. It was a big deal in the fitness club industry, and a big move for me. I had never lived in California, and I was there on my own. My wife was making arrangements with her work to move from Illinois, and also dealing with selling our place there.

That was probably a good thing, because it allowed me to spend a lot of time at work. I was the fourth GM at that club in less than 18 months — a fact that should have been a giant red flag. The owners were clearly desperate, but I was a little desperate my own self. The senior staff would be the key, and I wanted to pull them together and make that club profitable.

There were seven department managers, and they were terrific, but they also had to learn to trust me. I wasn’t sure I did, to be honest.

A breakthrough came a month or so in when I used a phrase I’d never heard before. Our events manager had somehow offended a potential client who was considering hiring us for her wedding. I heard about it all after the fact, and I told my manager not to be concerned, because I thought she had done her job well. She said something like, “I’ll bet you wouldn’t have messed that up.”

I replied, “Been there, done that… and I’ve got that tee shirt.” It was the last part that did the trick. She laughed, and over the next year or so “got that tee shirt” became kind of short hand for us to let each other know we were all in this together.

And that terrific and diverse group of people, allowing me to lead them, turned that club around. We all got that tee shirt.

“Do good,” comes from God and is ancient. Adding “it’s in you” came when I put the DG inside the U as I was designing our logo. (We should make tee shirts!)

Whether you’re a WHIM, a comedian, or making a difference at work, do good. It really is in you!