Phone a friend

I’ve been thinking about friends and friendship over the past few weeks. Part of that was triggered, I know, by the news that my long-time friend Steve had suddenly become very sick and was in the ICU fighting for his life.

That news came from our mutual friend, Ron. They live in the same city, once the home of a small college (now part of a larger college) where we had all played basketball, shaken the establishment very lightly, and eventually graduated.

The old saying is that there are no atheists in foxholes. For those of you who have never watched a movie about either of the World Wars, a foxhole is a hole in the ground used to shelter its tenants from enemy fire. Generically, a foxhole is any place of refuge. But the saying about “no atheists” definitely involves enemy fire.

The other part of the foxhole experience is the tremendous bond that forms between the troops who share a foxhole. In fact the same thing is true for any group of people who go through what are perceived to be life-changing challenges together. (I understand consultants sometimes try to replicate those in team-building exercises. Ha!)

It is not always the case that the bonds forged in foxholes last for a lifetime, but for some they do. We were never in physical danger in college, but our lives were being shaped and formed in ways we hadn’t always anticipated. And so we grew together.

In the larger small group (if that makes sense) there were perhaps a dozen of us. At least four of those have died far too young. Now here was Steve, seemingly about to join them.

Measuring friendship

Since I’ve been thinking about friendship, and since I’m a sucker for well-written lyrics, different songs have come to mind.

One of those is called Friends, and it was written by Blake Shelton and Jessi Leigh Alexander for The Angry Birds movie. It has fun upbeat music and some good lines, but add the actual stars from the movie (the aforementioned birds) and the music video will make you thankful for the “unlikely” friends in your life.

Another humorous song — but in a couple of places dark humor — is Friendship, written by the great Cole Porter. The song is a dialogue between two friends, with lines like: “If you’re ever in a mess, S.O.S” The other replies, “If you’re ever in jail, I’m your bail.” The whole point is the depth of the friendship, and the promises to be a friend escalate. It’s a measure of friendship that goes all the way to “If you’re ever in a mill and get sawed in half, I won’t laugh.”

I know. But it fit the musical it was written for, DuBarry Was A Lady.

Of the dozens of songs written about friendship, my current favorite is My Unfair Weather Friend. This number, written by Marla Cannon-Goodman and Ward Davis, was recorded by Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard.

It opens with these lines:

The whole sky opens up and it rains down on my head
I show up at your door, beat down and soakin’ wet
I know you will open up and let me waltz right in
My come whatever, unfair weather friend.

The whole song is a measure of friendship not found in promises, but in the sure and certain knowledge that the friend will always be there. And that is a true measure.

Finding a friend

When I was a kid in school, in a very small town, I had friends in my neighborhood. Some were my age and some were older or younger. We shared an empty lot for games, we shared a street, we shared parents and houses. In short, we grew up together.

Sometimes our parents were friends, so we became friends. In other words, friendships found us.

That still happens, but as we get older and meet people in wider and wider circles, we are more selective about our friendships. Still, there are times when we meet someone and just know we are — and always will be — friends.

In the Bible, there’s an amazing friendship between two young men. One is named David, and he has just killed Goliath. The other is named Jonathan, and he is the son of King Saul. David, the shepherd boy, spoke humbly to Saul about his victory over the giant while Jonathan, the Prince, stood by and listened, and we are told, “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”

I love that phrase, “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David.” There is no better description of deep friendship that I’ve heard.

As for measuring friendship, Jesus told his followers: Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Friendship, you see, can be measured by sacrifice.

How different is that from the idea that someone is my friend only if I have fun with them? That is a fair weather friend. The one who sacrifices for you — that is the unfair weather friend.

Phone a friend

Another measure of friendship is “picking up where we left off.” You call that person, because you haven’t talked in a couple of years, and with the first hello it is as if no time has passed since your last conversation.

Sadly, we sometimes take advantage of those friends by not calling them more often.

My friend who has been very ill is one of those kind, and neither of us calls the other enough. I learned a little while ago that he will be released from the hospital very soon. I’m planning on giving him a call.

Consider making Friday “phone a friend Friday.” Because friends are an amazing blessing, and calling a friend is a great way to do good.

Pick up the phone. It’s in you.